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I'm living in the meantime...I need to get out...you were right.

Celebrate!

I have concluded, in the last couple of days, that I don't celebrate life enough. Spring is reminding me to dance! I am so determined to live in the moment. The past and the future are only just figments of the mind. The only things that are real are the moments as they are happening. The now. Of course, there are memories from a past that I could never live without thinking about, and there are so many dreams of the future that I one day hope to manifest into the now, but the thing is...it's a choice. I can chose which to keep and which to throw away. If there is a moment that there is great suffering...just breathe and wait for the next one. I believe the trick is to not think. Your mind can be an enemy. Just be. Let the sunshine soak into your skin and kiss your daughter and curl up in your Love's lap, and know...feel, that this is pure bliss. The world can be a paradise. It is a paradise, and it's ours!

New Beginings

It's true, my friends, you never know what you have till it's gone. People do not think like me. Most people are so involved in what they gain from society that they feel everything is one tracked. It's not. It's on so many different tracks, and everyone speaks different languages, and it is so very rare to find one let alone a couple that speaks yours perfectly. I knew from the moment I saw him, I was going to spend the rest of my life with him. Sometimes it takes venturing down other roads to realize that there are some amazing people out there that aren't on your same path but that you can gain some fabulous insight. I've made a few mistakes in my life, a few recently, I may have hurt some people, but that's ok. Mistakes are made to learn from. Now the thing is you cannot keep making the same mistakes over and over because then that means there was no growth. I know I will make more. That's what life's about. Growth. You can't grow unless you learn and observe. That's what making mistakes is about. That is what makes humans human. I will never make this mistake again. When you are committed to someone, you don't just walk away. You stick by. And you work things out. It always works out exactly the way it's supposed to be.

I was told, recently, that I make things too complex. I was told if I want them to understand the way I think and speak I must dumb things down. I have been thinking a lot about this the past few days, and I continuously conclude that metaphors and adjectives are the most "simple" way for me to explain anything. So, I start to think about simplicity.




A few nights ago I grabbed up my six year old daughter, Makaila. I hugged her as I brought myself down to the floor and wrapped my legs around her. I kissed on her a minute and breathed in her hair. Both of our smiles were enormous and we just lied there simply connected, and she said, "Mommy? I am a branch." With my arms and legs still wrapped I asked, "Am I a tree?" She said no. I waited for something else for a few seconds, and I asked, "Well, then. Am I the roots or the leaves protecting the branch?" She said, "No, you're a sloth".

You can't get more simple than that, but it said so much. If I sat here and told you all what it said to me it would go a little something like this:

I have the most in tune six year old extension of myself. Her brain is beautifully littered with thoughts and comparisons to nature. She's aware that without the branch the sloth wouldn't live. Therefore, we need each other more than merely the obvious.

Being simple means different things to different people. Simply being me is all I can be.

Welcome.

I have always been an advocate of journal writing. Picking up a notebook and letting it all out. I’ve owed hundreds since I was six and the first entry took up the entire page, “I like pigs. They are cute.”. How simple was life then? Wonderfully simple. If many of you reading this now read the pages of my journal, from these days, you would have a collision of oddities and ramblings and wisdom and humor and shock and loveliness and confusion and struggle. I am still just as simple as I was as a six year old with my marble composition notebook and my like for the mammal, but my head grew. My senses heightened, and anyway, if I had a way to pass out copies of my hundreds of journals, who would read them? HERE. In the 21^st century you can do anything online, so as I sat in my chair, feeling as if I was about to spew over with raw emotion that I needed someone to hear and really listen, I reached for my notebook and scanned my radius for a pen that I didn’t have to stand up and get. My best friends. Then it hit me. Here. I’d start a blog. I’d put my love of journaling and the desire to be heard together.

Maybe, this is what my pages would have been spangled (my new favorite word) with today!:

Love. I have this inner passion that I try to spread outward about love. Love is most powerful to me because I feel that Love is God. Love dwells within each of us. Therefore, I believe that with each person there is a sort of different, unique Love. I have just concluded that to be the cause for not an easy definition. There isn't a generalized definition of Love. So, I was thinking about things and thought of it as steps since there are many levels of Love. I want t be able to just say I am Love. Right now, I feel that I'm on one of the lowest steps of love, but I am to one day be completely immersed in the freedom of Love at it's highest level! I feel it is because I am completely aware there is a difference in loving someone or something and being love.

Being in love with another person is torture. It reminds me of politics. Most of you would disagree, but if you think about it. About love as a relationship there is always this dominating factor. People, subconsciously possibly, are trying to exploit the other. There is always some conflict. There are arguments and worry and hell. I'm not saying there should never be romantic relationships. I'm saying utilize them. Observe and grow and understand and meditate, so that you can reach another step in the staircase of Love.

I want to keep on climbing. I want to reach the top where Love is a state of being rather than just a relationship. Unfortunately, I am aware that I have a few steps to go, I am up here quite alone at times. To have Love as your religious state it has to be unconditional. Even I, at times gain a condition, but for the most part I keep my heart and my mind set on tearing the few that pop up away. Most have a lot of conditions and though it is love, it's not being Love.

The ideas we all have on love are all different. That is fine. I would like to erase all the ideas because as long as there are ideas, Love cannot be simply a state. When I say somethin to anyone I want to be conciously aware of any and all motives there are there. I have learned that if something is brought into the light they dsappear if you'd like because things can be seen. Funny, if you think about it. A rose will die if it's roots aren't hidden away in the darkness of the dirt. Let all motives and ideas die and just let yourself be Love.

So, I'll use this opportuniy to invite anyone who is reading to take these stairs. They are all of ours. Imagine with me the view from the top. IT WILL BE PURE BLISS AT IT'S PUREST! I, my friends, am certain!